she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
false alarm. still invincible.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
