and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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