I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
