So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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