Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
