I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
