...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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