As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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