He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Two words: blizzard sex
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
