But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
