fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
