So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Success! We fucked roommates!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
