To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
