ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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