Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
