dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
thus making me awesome and them whores
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
