I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
it was like eating out sand paper
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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