i just sent this text using only my big toe
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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