i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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