i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
