I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I don't deserve a penis
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
