one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
