Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
