I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
is wine microwaveable?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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