Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
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