She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
