Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
