it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
