Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
