You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
