she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
