Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
