and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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