he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
