i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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