He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
