She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
