4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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