so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
