i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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