I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
