So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
