he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
