i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
