Soap is not a condiment
I wish I only lived at night.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
