Quick, to the slutcave!
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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