Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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