You tried to poop in the sink last night.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
