Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
i need some magic done to my vagina
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
