with your own penis?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
ugly people sure do ruin things
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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