Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I will be naked everywhere
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
