i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Even the bartender felt bad for me
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Someone stole a lamp last night.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
