if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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