he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
COCAINE IS GR8
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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