wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
