i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
