remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
